Monday, November 07, 2005

Thinking in circles...again.

I've recently discovered that I'm a walking paradox. Sometimes I think why we read books, watch movies, or gain knowledge by other meansto be accepted in society. It seems like society hasconformed me tothink that I can never be the best person unless I can look like what everyone feels is beautiful or act with grace and express wit. For me, intelligence lies on many levels.Why is my mind telling me I need to improve myself and absorb all the information I can so I can hang around with friends who I can look up to in awe as perfection? Then again, another side ofmy mind tells me that I don't need to conform and I should be who I am and be proud ofthe knowledge I have right now. Maybe society is wrong. I should be able to form my own ideals and be my own model. Perhaps I don't need to read books to be accepted in some social group I want to fit in. If some social group appeals to me because I feel it would improve the way others feel about me and treat me, is that wrong? Maybe I should be myself and not worry so much about what others think. In the end, it seems like my thoughtswalk in circles sometimes with desires and needs (acceptance in a certain group) fueling it. For now, the desires are overpowering. I know that the need to impress others and interact better with others will somehow benefit me in the end. I just think that I shouldn't let the fear of rejection get in the way of my happiness. Even if I don't know anything aboutEmerson or follow the news, I can still find people who will accept me and treat me as their friend; even if those aren't the kind of people I necessarily want as friends. I shouldn't be so prejudiced. This is one of those moments when I come out more confused after writing than I was before. I usually write to clarify everything, but some ideas just seem to backfire. :


Blogger Smokey said...

Article on TN blogging
He's a piece I did for today's paper : New blood, new buddies and new business are some of the byproducts of an emerging and evolving world of web logs in Tennessee.
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